Are Swingers Lifestyles Really Affairs?

To decide whether swingers lifestyles are a type of infidelity you need to approach the idea with an open mind. Swinging, partner swapping or, more recently, couples touch has been around since the dawn of mankind. Still looked down on by a large part of society as “weird” it is becoming more prevalent all the time and gradually more accepted. The question is, is it still a form of infidelity?

First though, a little bit of history. Although swinging in one form or another existed a long time ago, Ancient Rome appears to be where it became popular over two thousand years ago. It has always remained on the fringe of western society but other societies such as the Inuit, the Orya of New Guinea and some South American Indian tribes have used it to help them survive. Some historical figures such as Mary Shelley (author of “Frankenstein”) and Benjamin Franklin are known to have practiced swinging.

Oddly enough, swinging in America seems to have originated with the US Air Force during World War Two. The pilots and their wives formed a tight-knit community around the air bases. Possibly helped along as a “stress reliever” due to the high mortality rate among pilots, swinging became an accepted part of these communities. By the late 1950’s swinging had become commonplace throughout America.

Nowadays, it is very common and almost at the point of being an accepted part of society. Clubs and websites are common and most suburbs have a “swingers group” nestled away somewhere.

Just being common does not automatically make it right, however, so let’s consider whether it is infidelity or not. Probably the main point to consider is the fact that swinging occurs when both partners agree so nothing is happening without the other partner being aware of it. Interestingly, it naturally requires good communication, honesty and trust between the partners to make it work.

An already unstable marriage or a marriage where one or both spouses shows jealousy would probably not be a good base to experiment from. Not a great deal of research has been done but the little that has seems to suggest that marriages which incorporate swinging appear happier and suffer less from affairs. Most marriage counselors, while not necessarily suggesting the practice, stop short of advising not to. Many couples believe it has made their already happy relationships happier.

Naturally, you must consider the possible health risks associated with multiple sex partners but safe sex practices, such as using condoms, reduce the risks to a level no higher than normal. More of a worry are the mental effects. How would you feel watching your partner enjoying sex with someone else? A healthy relationship should be able to accept and even enjoy this as part of the sensation. To stress a point, jealousy would have to be handled very carefully in a swinging situation.

Overall, swinging should really be approached as a possible addition to a relationship rather than as the solution to a problem. Good communication between spouses should be able to resolve whether it’s addition would be a good thing or not. Whether to add it or not would have to be a joint agreement to avoid possible conflict between partners where one may feel obliged or coerced into taking part. Truly, it would be hard to consider swinging an infidelity however, as both partners must agree to participate and both can agree on mutual ground rules and boundaries.

What Does A Man In An Affair Mean When He Says He Wants To Take A Break From All Relationships?

Much of the time, the people that I dialog with are one part of a married couple who are dealing with infidelity. Occasionally, though, someone who is actively having an affair (or trying to keep one from ending) will reach out because they need help figuring out someone’s motivations or thought process. For example, perhaps a husband is trying to break off an affair and the other woman doesn’t buy or understand his reasoning for this.

She might explain a situation like: “I had an affair with a man who I adored for over seven months. I know that this is a cliche, but I really did believe that he was going to leave his wife for me. I truly did believe that he loved me. He seemed very into our relationship and was full speed ahead until his wife unexpectedly found out about us. After that, everything crumbled. I guess his wife didn’t take it very well and somehow his older child found out and became very upset. For a while, he tried to reconcile with his wife and told me to stay away. I don’t know how it went between them because he wouldn’t take my calls. But I can only assume that it didn’t go as expected because last week, he called me again. I got all excited. We went out to dinner and I thought that it was going well. I thought that we would end up going back to my place and that one thing would lead to another. But when I suggested that, he told me that he’s decided that he needs to take a break from relationships for a while. I literally laughed at that because he never turned down anything physical from me. He said that he was going to take sex out of the equation with all women for a while. This just isn’t like him, so I figured he must be doing well with his wife and is sexually happy in the marriage. But if that is the case, why have dinner with me? Since then, he stopped taking my calls again and one of my friends said that she saw him with his family. I almost wish that he had never called me. I don’t get the purpose of it. Why would a man even want to be celibate? Is he lying to me?”

I have no idea if he is lying. It seems quite clear that he may be struggling somewhat with how move on with his life. But, in light of the fact that he didn’t have any physical relationship with you once he ended the affair, it DOES seem as if he is indeed trying to move forward regardless. This may or may not include trying to save his marriage. And frankly, that is his business. Every one can understand a parent wanting to maintain their family after their child becomes understandably upset. We have no way of knowing what the wife wants, but again, that is no one’s business but hers or the family’s.

The truth is, married men will say or claim all sorts of things in order to end an affair in the cleanest, least painful way as is possible. I have no idea if he is celibate or not, but he seemed to use it partly as justification for breaking things off and insinuating himself from a physical or sexual relationship, which tells you that he’s being truthful about the relationship being over and about him turning his attention to his family. I know that it’s painful, but I don’t think that you can fault him for wanting this.

Don’t you deserve a relationship where the other person can have a complete relationship with you, that doesn’t need to be hidden or based on guilt? Don’t you want a relationship where the man is free and happy to have a physical relationship and isn’t claiming to be celibate?

This man may well feel the need to take a break from romantic relationships or even from sex, but that is just one more sign that everyone might consider moving on. There seems to be very little pay off here and all kinds of pain. I am admittedly biased, but it seems to me that the obvious and best thing to do would be to wish him well, but let him go. Do whatever healing that needs to be done for yourself and for your own life. Give yourself time to focus on your own healing and what you want, need and deserve. And the next time, find a man who is free to be completely yours – emotionally, legally, and physically. Everyone deserves a complete relationship – not one that must be hidden or based on deceit, doublespeak, and pain.

Undelete Deleted Text Messages to Investigate Extramarital Affairs

The sad fact is, not everyone you come across in your lifetime will be honest. An even harder reality to face is when that someone is your spouse. Yes, I am talking about cheating. Current estimates state that approximately 60% of men and 40% of women will have an extramarital affair sometime during the course of the marriage. It is a scary statistic, and no one wants it to happen to them, but oftentimes it does.

The reality is, when your spouse is having an affair, there are usually warning signs. Most people have reported that they knew something was going on, or had a feeling, but just weren’t positive. It is pretty easy to recognize different patterns in someone whom you have known and spent time with for years. It is these changes in regular habits and activities that help give the affair away. Mysterious phone calls where the caller hangs up, the spouse spending unusual time outside of the house or staying out till the wee hours of the morning, and making an effort to hide their cell phone or text messages are all potential signs. Speaking of text messages, this is one area where progress has been made to actually recover deleted text messages in order to investigate extramarital affairs.

In the world of hand held technology in which we live, almost everyone has a cell phone and consequently, almost everyone text messages from time to time. When a spouse is cheating, they often use text messages to communicate, as a “safe” way to carry on the affair without being caught. Well, this approach may not be so safe anymore.

There are now products and services on the market that will actually help you to recover deleted text messages, or in effect UNDELETE these deleted messages. A new sector of the world of technology has been created specifically for these types of purposes called Computer Forensics. There are many applications for this type of service when you really think about it. Maybe you accidentally deleted some incredibly important information pertaining to your business, or maybe you deleted a series of text messages that you need to recover concerning threats made and you wish to report them to the police. The scenarios go on and on but more and more, these types of services are being used to allow spouses to undelete deleted text messages for the purposes of investigating suspicion of an extramarital affair.

I suppose the jury is still out on how these services relate to your privacy. Much like listening in on a private phone call, recovering these deleted texts can certainly be seen as an invasion of privacy. The applications could certainly be helpful to law enforcement officials when investigating crimes, however, making a great case for using a text recovery product. The important thing for all of us to remember is, every time you send an email or a text message, there is a record of it. Now, even when you hit delete, that record may not be as deleted as you think…