Relationships: Can Someone Have Affairs When They Have A Fear Of Abandonment?

If someone is in a relationship that they no longer want to be in, it might not be long until it comes to an end. Perhaps they have been together for a number of months, or they may have been with each other for a number of years.

Yet, regardless of the amount of time that they have been with them, they are not going to want to stay put. This doesn’t mean that it will be easy for them to end the relationship; what it comes down to is that being with this person is no longer serving them.

A Small Price to Pay

Therefore, the pain that they will experience in the short-term will pale in comparison to what will gain in the long-term. Cutting their ties with this person will allow them to let go of a lot of things and to embrace a number of new things.

For example, by no longer being with the same person, it will make it easier for them to behave in new ways. Some of their current behaviours that are being affirmed by their partner will start to die-off when the relationship comes to an end.

A New Beginning

In the same way that living in a cold climate will have a certain effect on them, the relationship they are in will be the same. Thus, if this was to come to an end, it might be similar to moving somewhere that is warm.

In a different climate, their behaviour is likely to change and so are the types of clothes that they wear. And once their relationship comes to an end, their behaviour is just as likely to change and they may even wear different clothes.

A Number of Reasons

They could be with someone who is abusive, for instance, which is going to have a negative effect on their wellbeing. Staying with this person is not going to serve them, the only thing that it will do is cause them to feel ever worse about themselves.

Being with this person is not going to be pleasant, yet even when they spend time apart one is unlikely to feel much better. At the same time, one could just be in a relationship that has run its course.

A Different Path

Maybe they have been with this person since they were at school, and have since realised that they are no longer compatible. Or, they might have started dating this person when they were not in a good way, with it being clear that they got together for the wrong reason.

Being clear about what is going on for them will stop them from leading their partner on, and it will give them more time to find someone else. Staying with them for the wrong reason is not going to serve them or their partner.

Another Scenario

However, although someone could behave in this way when they no longer want to be with their partner, they could also behave in a different way. What they could end up doing is spending time with other people.

Through going with others, it will be more bearable for them to stay with their partner. One is then not going to be fully present with the person they are actually with, and they are not going to be fully present with the other people who they share their body with.

A Release

The people who they share their body with might not be people who they would actually want to be with if they were not with anyone else. Still, having these people in their life will allow them to let of stream.

Living in this way is, ultimately, going to cause them to experience even more pressure than they would otherwise. They most likely won’t be a double agent, but they will lead a double life.

What’s going on?

What this can illustrate is that this person has a fear of being abandoned, with this being the reason why they can’t cut their ties with the person they are with. Due to this fear, they would only do this is if they had another person lined up who they knew would stick around.

Ergo, keeping their partner around will provide them with the external stability that they need to keep this fear under control, and, going with other people will allow them to fulfil the need that they have to be with someone who they are attracted to. The messiness that exists externally will be a reflection of the messiness that exists within them.

A Pattern

In fact, there is a strong chance that they will only have relationships with people who they perceive as being dependable. Having someone like this in their life will then allow them to have their fun with people who they are actually attracted to.

Consequently, the person they are officially with will be there whenever one of these affairs comes to an end. One way to look at this would be to imagine that one is a dependent child and their partner is their parent – one can then go and play with their friends without having to worry about being abandoned.

The Cause

If one has a fear of being abandoned, there is also the chance that they are carrying the pain of being abandoned. This can be the result of what took place during their childhood and/or it can relate to what happened during their birth and while they were in the womb.

The trauma that is within them is going to make it more or less impossible for them to be able to handle their emotions and to feel like an interdependent adult. Instead of their emotions being another part of them, it could seem as though this is the only part that they have.


If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer, for instance.